My brother and his wife are expecting their first baby any day now. They have been able to savor this pregnancy and are ready for their lives to change. They are so excited to meet their daughter and I can't wait to be an aunt. I am thrilled for them that it has been such a positive experience.
And yet, I'm sad. I'm sad because I didn't have that and I'll never have it. I should shut my yap because really, could I be any luckier to have two beautiful, healthy sons? But yet, I need to vent. Instead of waking up every morning of my pregnancy and thinking 'one day closer to meeting the twins' I wondered if every twinge meant I was going to lose them. I came so close to losing them so many times. Instead of looking forward to a due date, I cried tears of gratitude every morning when I realized I hadn't gone into full labor yet.
When do I get over this? Why does it make me cry that my pregnancy wasn't 'perfect' - hell, it was barely ok. BUT - P and N are here, they are perfect, they are 3 and they are pretty much potty trained. What more could I want? How long do I have to grieve? Every time someone I love has a baby? This needs to stop.