Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Baby Anticipation

My brother and his wife are expecting their first baby any day now. They have been able to savor this pregnancy and are ready for their lives to change. They are so excited to meet their daughter and I can't wait to be an aunt. I am thrilled for them that it has been such a positive experience.

And yet, I'm sad. I'm sad because I didn't have that and I'll never have it. I should shut my yap because really, could I be any luckier to have two beautiful, healthy sons? But yet, I need to vent. Instead of waking up every morning of my pregnancy and thinking 'one day closer to meeting the twins' I wondered if every twinge meant I was going to lose them. I came so close to losing them so many times. Instead of looking forward to a due date, I cried tears of gratitude every morning when I realized I hadn't gone into full labor yet.

When do I get over this? Why does it make me cry that my pregnancy wasn't 'perfect' - hell, it was barely ok. BUT - P and N are here, they are perfect, they are 3 and they are pretty much potty trained. What more could I want? How long do I have to grieve? Every time someone I love has a baby? This needs to stop.

Monday, May 18, 2009

I think I'm going to...wait for!

Yeah, seriously not a blogger am I? Not even a person who keeps up with a journal. I guess I thought it would be easier online because I'm always at my computer. Not so much.

Just came back from a week in West Palm Beach with the family. The week definitely had its ups and downs but we had a good time. N has really gotten the hang of going potty (oh crap, I think I just became a mommy blogger) and P loves to swim with his face in the water. They are a lot of fun and I don't think I realize how lucky we are to have twins until I see parents with singletons - even if there are more than one, spaced a few years apart. My kids really love to play together and it means that I don't have to be the center of their world all the time. That isn't to say that I'm not the most requested person in their world, but at least there's a variety.